Boxing clever

Like John Howard, I don't believe in polls - especially when they don't even mention me. I juts have great faith that, come the day of the only poll that really counts, millions of right-thinking Australians will think outside the boxes they are supposed to put numbers in and simply write "Marvin for PM" across their ballot paper.

Naked truth

Let me make one thing perfectly clear: there are no compromising photographs of me on the internet. At all times, I am wearing my fur coat.

All in the family

One of the biggest issues in this election is, I think we all agree, family values. As a father, grandfather, greatgrandfather, greatgreatgrandfather and greatgreatgreatgrandfather, nobody knows more about this than me.

I'm back!

Quite a lot has happened since I began my short, self-imposed sabbatical from the campaign - including a media offer! It seems that the people of Australia are ready to embrace a real alternative. And yes, as one correspondent cleverly deduced, I am based in Brisbane. Just like Kevin Rudd - except furrier and cuter.

Watch this space

I've decided to go into hibernation until a little later in the campaign lest I peak too early. In the meantime, whatever the others promise, I'll double it!

No hurry

I will not be rushed into announcing my tax policy, either. So there.

Taxing times

Let me make this perfectly clear: I will not be bribing the electorate with tax cuts. I will, however, be bribing the electorate in many other ways I have yet to determine.

What I stand for

When people ask me, if they were to assk me, how I would describe my campaign I wouldn't hesitate to use the term "grassroots". Along with carrots and lettuce, I love grassroots.

Fair go for the furry guy

As a nation, we pride ourselves on the notion of a "fair go" - and yet my campaign has so far been absent from the newspaper headlines and the television and radio news programs. This is, quite simply, unAustralian.

Rodent in the ranks

It seems the phoney campaign is over and the election will be held on November 24. I will be releaseing a raft of policies and initiatives over the coming days and weeks. For now, let me just say this is not a two-horse race. There's a savvvy cavy on the case, too.