Don't vote for me

This is my final post on this blog. As you enter the polling booth, I want you to remember to do the right thing. And that is to vote for a candidate who can really bring about change in this country. Think honesty and decency. Remember children overboard, Kyoto, and not saying sorry. Don't vote for me; I'm a GP, not an MP. Vote for somebody who is committed to creating a better future.

Animal magnetism

I've heard the pitches from Howard the Duck and Elmer Fudd, and I still think voting for a guinea pig makes sense.

Don't listen to them

Let me make this perfectly clear: My campaign does not have the support, implicit or explicit, of any credible journalist.

Getting personal

I read that the Labor Party will start making personal attacks on John Howard. I have no truck with this sort of cmapaigning; however I see nothing wrong with calling somebody a rodent.

Doesn't even rate

I live in a cage that I don't even own, so don't come whingeing to me about interest rates.
(Memo to self: does that sound arrogant?)

Poll axed

I can't understand why there's no mention of me in the latest polls. Obviously, they aren't surveying enough small furry creaures.

Still going strong

Memo to all those people who are saying that my campaign is running out of steam: I'm still creating as much hot air as ever.

A point of clarification

When I said I would change everything once I got into power, what I really meant was that I would keep everything exactly like it is. But better.

Setting the record straight

I'm sorry, but I simply don't have anything to apologise for. Another reason to vote for me!

Boxing clever

Like John Howard, I don't believe in polls - especially when they don't even mention me. I juts have great faith that, come the day of the only poll that really counts, millions of right-thinking Australians will think outside the boxes they are supposed to put numbers in and simply write "Marvin for PM" across their ballot paper.

Naked truth

Let me make one thing perfectly clear: there are no compromising photographs of me on the internet. At all times, I am wearing my fur coat.

All in the family

One of the biggest issues in this election is, I think we all agree, family values. As a father, grandfather, greatgrandfather, greatgreatgrandfather and greatgreatgreatgrandfather, nobody knows more about this than me.

I'm back!

Quite a lot has happened since I began my short, self-imposed sabbatical from the campaign - including a media offer! It seems that the people of Australia are ready to embrace a real alternative. And yes, as one correspondent cleverly deduced, I am based in Brisbane. Just like Kevin Rudd - except furrier and cuter.

Watch this space

I've decided to go into hibernation until a little later in the campaign lest I peak too early. In the meantime, whatever the others promise, I'll double it!

No hurry

I will not be rushed into announcing my tax policy, either. So there.

Taxing times

Let me make this perfectly clear: I will not be bribing the electorate with tax cuts. I will, however, be bribing the electorate in many other ways I have yet to determine.

What I stand for

When people ask me, if they were to assk me, how I would describe my campaign I wouldn't hesitate to use the term "grassroots". Along with carrots and lettuce, I love grassroots.

Fair go for the furry guy

As a nation, we pride ourselves on the notion of a "fair go" - and yet my campaign has so far been absent from the newspaper headlines and the television and radio news programs. This is, quite simply, unAustralian.

Rodent in the ranks

It seems the phoney campaign is over and the election will be held on November 24. I will be releaseing a raft of policies and initiatives over the coming days and weeks. For now, let me just say this is not a two-horse race. There's a savvvy cavy on the case, too.

Waiting game

I thought I was a guinea pig, but I think you humans waiting for an election to be called are the real guinea pigs. It's like one big science experiment to test the hypothesis that people who see enough television avertising that they've paid for will then vote for a particular political party.

Saying it succinctly

Thanks to help from a friend on the Left, I've come up with a new slogan:
"Vote early. Vote often. Vote Marvin."
Catchy, eh?

Bald facts

It's a little-known fact that, if I were to have a radical hair cut, I'd look exactly like Peter Garrett.

Hello, I'm here

Another Monday, another misleading poll. The latest one still suggests it's a two-human race. Well, they haven't counted on this little piggie.

Why this election is important

I know it's hard for people to concentrate on boring old politics when much more exciting things are happening in the world to far more interesting people, like Pamela Anderson, Paris Hilton, Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan. But believe me, the next federal election is vitally important - not just to your future but to mine. You think it's boring in Canberra? Try living in a cage on a bed of hay and a diet of lettuce and carrots.

Policies? I've got lots of 'em

It would be easy me to sit here and tell you my plan for the future of Australia. Faar too easy, in fact, and no fun at all. Rather than hit you with them all right now, I will be releasing my policies slowly in the fullness of time. For now though, let's just say that whatever the other guys promise, I'll double it.

Putting it in wordss

I've been kicking around a few ideas for a campaign slogan, and I think I've got one that might just fly. Given the fact that the incumbent prime minister is deeply unpopular and the main wannabe is trying to shake-off the impression that he will be a bad economic manager, I've come up with: Vote For Marvin, You Could Do Worse.

Hanging on in there

My "rats in the ranks" were obviously wrong about an election being called today. I guess John Howard got wind of my campaign and is now desperately hanging on for as long as he can.

Lies, damned lies

These polls are a joke. Today's revelation from Newspoll: Labor 54 percent; Liberal 46 percent. No mention of the Savvy Cavy party at all. I demand a recount.

Pig of the people

It has come to my attention that many Australians have been watching football this weekend. I don't know much about sport, but I say: "Go, the winning team! Vote for me!" Now, I'll just quietly munch on a carrot until the hysteria dies down.

Election: I'm ready

There's a rumour that the current, human prime minister is planning to call an election either today or tomorrow. I don't know what his plans are, but when he calls the poll I will be ready. My campaign team is in place, and we are spoiling for a fight. Bring it on, I say!